It’s hard to write a serious Christmas column when you see ridiculous things in the world.

Case for today’s column: Pizza Hut perfume.

This is about as true as it can be. Pizza Hut has created a fragrance that is supposed to smell like freshly baked dough with a little spice mixed in.

This may be the most ridiculous thing since Ron Popeil dropped the spray paint that conceals bald spots on us.

I’m not much of a fragrance person although I have been in the past. My tastes are too expensive to be a real fragrance person because I tend to like Ralph Lauren smells, you know, stuff that smells like a combination of polo ponies and polo player sweat.

I’m also a fan of CK One, which has a lemony smell, not quite like the smell of Lemon Pledge.

Usually, I just splash on some Old Spice after I shave because it’s cheap and it’s classic.

This doesn’t address the whole question of pizza cologne, however, because I really don’t have an answer for why anyone would want to smell like pizza, especially one with anchovies on it.

This is where I embellish because the article I read mentions nothing about anchovies. Anchovies, I would imagine, are probably more in line with the fragrance The Beach Kramer concocted on Seinfeld.

I just can’t imagine reaching the heights of sensual pleasure with someone whose neck smells like a large deep-dish pan pizza with pepperoni, sausage, black olives and extra cheese.

I would imagine giving this as a serious gift would be grounds for divorce or at least a weeklong no-speaking session in most homes.

That’s why if you’re seriously considering giving this as a romantic gift this Christmas you better back it up with at least a diamond in some form or fashion.

Just take this word of advice from someone who has given their fair share of bad gifts thinking it would bring instant love, unless you know your girl is in to smelling like a ham and pepperoni pizza, don’t do it, buy it only for one of your friends who are into novelty items and crazy things from popular culture — Lance Martin

Lance Martin is editor and publisher of rrspin.com