So, I wasn’t going to bring up sports in the 12 Columns of Christmas series until I saw a meme on Facebook purporting the ridiculous notion that Santa Claus is a fan of the University of North Carolina Tar Heels.

Said meme.

This is beyond insanity; it’s geographically improbable considering Santa’s Nordic heritage and the North Pole’s proximity to Canada.

Ravens

Anyone with half a brain knows Santa’s loyalties lie with his alma mater, Carleton University, where he earned bachelors and masters degrees in aerospace engineering.

Obviously, Santa would have to have an aerospace engineering background to make reindeer fly and it stands to reason he supports the red and black of the CU Ravens.

You have to be true to your school. Just ask the Beach Boys.

Other than that, Santa can’t have too many other allegiances because he has to be objective in his naughty and nice list and to think Father Christmas would support the powder blue of the Tar Heels just doesn’t make sense.

Santa doesn’t even have time for the NFL; given the playoff push begins as he’s finalizing his annual trip around the world.

That’s why he follows the Canadian Football League, which begins in summer and ends in the last part of November so it doesn’t interfere with his trip planning or Black Friday, when he makes a mad dash to the North Pole Arboretum to fill some of the harder-to-find items on greedy kids’ wish lists.

Why wouldn’t he follow the CFL? It’s actually great football. It’s faster and usually higher scoring. I’m sure, like me, he watched the Argonauts defeat the Stampeders in the 100^th Grey Cup.

If Santa would follow any NFL team it would be the Minnesota Vikings or the Buffalo Bills because they are closer to Canada, which is closer to the North Pole than the Dean Smith Center or whatever the name of the football field is where the Tar Heels play when they’re not cheating on classes.

I know, I failed to mention the Detroit Lions, but are there really any Lions fans left in the world?

Other than that, Santa is a rabid Toronto Blue Jays fan and follows any sports that involve Iceland and Greenland, including team handball.

And let’s not forget the Iditarod, the last great race from Anchorage to Nome. Santa has lobbied for years to have a reindeer Iditarod.

I know for a fact Santa likes to unwind in February with the Super Bowl and fills out brackets with the elves during March Madness.

So, if I were defending a scholarly dissertation on why Santa Claus isn’t a Tar Heels fan I would say I nailed it — Lance Martin