I mean, I graduated kindergarten — oh, wait, we didn't have a ceremony to show we could play with blocks, nap and learn to tell time, but you get the point.

I graduated high school despite not fulfilling my academic dream of being in the Beta Club, a dream which lasted for maybe the first three or four days of my sophomore year.

Believe it or not, I finished college and have a diploma packed away in some boxes, but within easy reach to take it out should someone challenge my curriculum vitae.

So yeah, I think I'm pretty smart most of the time, but then here comes this boisterous man named Trump and I look at myself in the mirror and think, wow, I'm pretty dumb.

I feel bad for feeling dumb when it comes to The Donald because, after all, he's saying what everyone else is thinking although what I've made out thus far he says a lot of stuff that isn't anywhere near the stuff I'm thinking.

That's why I feel dumb. I think I'm missing the parts where he says he's going to back up the stuff he says he's going to do, namely build a wall around Mexico and other stuff related to building that wall. He talks a lot about that wall so I'm assuming he's a Pink Floyd fan, which even stupid me can dig.

So dumb me, I'm thinking, yeah, let's go to his website and see if what he is saying is really what I'm thinking and there it is — one issue on it and it's about that wall.

After reading about the one issue on his website, I'm thinking, man, I'm just plain stupid, because for a man who says what everyone else is thinking he's obsessed with this wall thing.

Smart me is thinking shouldn't there be something besides this wall issue — you know, pretty important stuff like healthcare, ripping into the NSA, the IRS, the tax code, life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness — on his website.

It's no where to be found and yet this man maintains strong favor in the polls so I look at myself in the mirror again and think, geesh, Lance, you ain't so smart.

This man, who is apparently best for the job because he is nothing more than a billionaire and has never been a politician, has simply proven to idiots like me issues don't matter and I feel stupid for not frothing like a hungry dog every time he speaks. I probably wouldn't have made a good Nazi, either, just saying here, because there's something about falling in lockstep that makes me feel dirty.

I feel stupid for not realizing a multi-billionaire is someone I can relate to, that he's one of us, and will make America great again by simply building a wall and hand the election to the Democrats on a platter of gold bricks.

My mirror self tells me to get with the program, fall in line and realize the Constitution doesn't matter any more. My mirror self tells me to get off my high horse and realize that empty words and being rude and bombastic are more important than dealing with the debt this nation has accumulated or diffusing iffy diplomatic relations with hair-trigger leaders in Russia, China and North Korea.

I looked at the websites of other candidates and they appear to be dumb, too, because they have issues and no talk of building a wall.

That reminded me of all the Pink Floyd albums, The Wall is my least favorite, and Animals is — it has songs about dogs, pigs and sheep and if you think these songs are just parroting Old McDonald, well, they're not.

Smart me realizes since rude and bombastic Kanye West has announced, joking or not, he should run for president in 2020, I might not be so stupid after all, that it's all come down to entertainment and not issues and the dumbing down of the voter pool.

All of this makes smart me want to run and hide and protect the Constitution with all the passion I can muster because I'm that stupid to think it matters anymore.

In a moment of clarity, however, maybe when I look in the mirror, I'm not as dumb as I think I am, although trying to sway the masses to my way of thinking seems to be about as plausible as building a wall around Mexico so I think I'll go bathe myself in Animals for about the millionth time — Lance Martin