Thinking about the whole New England Patriots deflated ball nonsense led me to think about more important things like the city police department's crash-free week that begins Monday.
I know the two don't go hand-in-hand but I wanted to be cool so people would know I knew about the scandal that's not really a scandal because LeGarrette Blount scored three rushing touchdowns.
Scoring three rushing touchdowns is somewhat akin to safe driving because you can't drive safely without properly inflated tires and Blount safely drove over the Colts defense like he was riding on a new set of Michelins.
I know the police department has been calling this an accident-free week but because I believe there are no accidents, kind of like it was no accident Blount ran over the Colts, I refrain from using the A word.
The word accident implies a crash just happened, that there is no responsibility, just like the Colts want to place blame on the three touchdown passes Tom Brady threw being a fluke because the balls were deflated. There were no accidents in that game Sunday. Brady performed like a Porsche while the Colts D performed like a Corvair, unsafe at any speed.
Indianapolis, which I was rooting for, can't call accidents or deflated balls in their ugly loss, just like bad drivers can't blame a crash on anyone but themselves.
So when you're out on the road all next week, thinking about deflated footballs and non-scandal scandals, think about that state citation that could be shoved in your face.
You will receive a state citation when you're caught Tweeting behind the wheel your displeasure that the Patriots earned their success and dynasty through cheating. It was no accident they won that game and no one's fault but yours you got your ticket.
When you're speeding out of sheer anger that you believe deflated balls were the only reason the Patriots won the game, not because they are a dynasty, don't be angry at the cop writing you the ticket. The cop doesn't care who you rooted for. Cops only care you were speeding and could cause a crash.
When you're following too close behind the driver of a car with Patriot stickers so said driver can see you extend your middle finger to him, don't blame the driver of said car with Patriot stickers when you get at least a $200 ticket. That person likes the team either because they have ties to the New England states or was a former Redskins fan tired of all the NFL championships they should have won on paper.
When you go to one of the sports stores on Premier Boulevard to buy Seattle Seahawks gear that says you are a fan because you hate those cheating so and so's from New England, don't put the jersey on while driving and crash. You will get a ticket. It wasn't an accident.
Please don't drink and drive. This applies to every day, not just when the dynamo that is the New England Patriots destroy the Seahawks in the Superbowl and you're trying to drown your sorrows. Brady, Gronk and Blount don't care that you were rooting against them, most everyone does, and you will get a ticket.
When you go out, be careful, wear your seat belt. Pay attention when backing, drive defensively like the Colts should have played, stop for stop signs and traffic signals.
Pay attention to yield signs. The Colts certainly did because they yielded to Brady and Blount.
Don't pass stopped school busses, the next LeGarrette Blount might be crossing the street to board and that way you avoid a ticket, an extremely costly ticket that could cost you points on your license and insurance.
The Colts sure know a thing or two about losing points and it was no accident they did so. The real goal of the enforcement this coming week is to get from Point A to Point B safely without a ticket, without injury, without property damage, kind of like LeGarrette Blount did, studied, focused and defensively — Lance Martin