Breaking!

Lance Martin, editor and publisher of rrspin.com, is on Thelma Road where he has caught up with Mr. Black and Mr. Orange, Unity Disposal and Recycling garbage bins, for an exclusive interview.

rrspin.com: Thank you, gentlemen, for allowing us an opportunity for an interview.

Mr. Black: Actually, Mr. Orange is a woman, so that should be Ms. Orange, Orange if you’re nasty.

Ms. Orange: No problem, happens all the time, even to those dull green Waste Industries bins.

rrspin.com: So tell me, are you guys excited about being a part of the world of Halifax County waste collection?

A Unity trash truck in Maryland.

Ms. Orange: Oh, very much so. We’re so happy the county commissioners picked us. From reading your article in April it seemed Waste Industries thought they had the market on garbage collection and weren’t willing to negotiate until they saw the world didn’t revolve around them.

Mr. Black: Baby, I mean Orange, we really shouldn’t bash Waste Industries in this. Seems like to me the county did their homework and got a better deal.

Ms. Orange (giggling): Um, we are dating Mr. Spin, but Mr. Black needs to separate business from pleasure.

rrspin.com: Understood. So what’s going to be different under Unity?

Mr. Black: Well, the big thing is the recycling portion of this contract. It’s exciting that the county commissioners have decided to go with recycling. Not only does it reduce bad things from the waste stream, but we as a company benefit financially.

A portion of the Unity flyer on recycling.

rrspin.com: Now who does what? I mean, who is recycling and who is regular garbage?

Mr. Black: No one is garbage, sir, please rephrase your question in a more polite way.

Ms. Orange: Don’t listen to him, he gets jealous sometime. He’s the household garbage bin and I’m the recycling bin.

rrspin.com: Gotcha, wasn’t trying to offend.

Mr. Black: It’s OK, I do get a little touchy. But, yes, Orange is for recycling and I’m for your household waste. I’ve got a flyer that explains everything if you’d like to share with your readers.

Ms. Orange: Please, do, I think they’re a little confused from what I saw on your Facebook page the other day. This is just for the county only, not the city.

rrspin.com: I am aware and we’ve already published a story that contains your flyer as an attachment.

A stack of orange-topped recycling bins.

Ms. Orange: By God, Mr. Spin, you are so quick! If I weren’t already dating Mr. Black I’d be with you in a second.

rrspin.com (blushing): Well, thanks, you are kind of hot. Here’s my business card if you ever change your mind.

Mr. Black: Cool your jets and your raging hormones, both of you. Orange is attracted to balding literary and journalism types like that tedious reporter from the Washington Post that time.

rrspin.com: It’s all hypothetical. I’m glad you two are happy. I won’t hold you up because I see a truck coming to pick you up, but I do have one final question.

Mr. Black: Shoot, we’ve got time.

rrspin.com: A lot of my Facebook readers have a problem with your color. I personally like it, think it’s more visible on the highway, that sort of thing.

Mr. Black: Racists!

Ms. Orange: There you go, Black, getting on your high horse again. Now, Mr. Spin, to answer your question, first off, the colors represent the colors of the company and you are right, they are more visible and stand out.

rrspin.com: A lot of our Facebook readers say they’re ugly and should be neutral, that they don’t blend in.

Mr. Black: Are all their houses Army green? We can’t help the way we were born just like you can’t. When our parents got together, they did so to help create more trash receptacles to hold your nasty eggshells, soured milk containers and rotting, uneaten meat, not to be a centerpiece in your formal dining room. Trash isn’t a pretty business and if you think those Waste Industries baby puke green containers were beauty queens, well then you’re crazy.

Ms. Orange: Yes, he’s right, we’re not attractive …

rrspin.com: I still think you’re pretty hot but go ahead.

Ms. Orange (blushing): You are so sweet, now where was I? Oh, yes, I can’t think of a single trashcan on this universe that is. I mean, for crying out loud, we’re not lawn ornaments or outside Christmas decorations. We’re garbage bins and if you’re just leaving them in front of your house then that’s your problem. Most folks put them behind their house or somewhere out of view until trash pickup day.

Mr. Black: Agreed babe, I mean Ms. Orange. It strikes me as funny that your readers will whine over the color of a trashcan but won’t comment on county or city budgets. No one spoke at the city budget public hearing and no one spoke at the county budget public hearing yet they’ll lash out at the color of a trashcan or lash out about holly trees on Roanoke Avenue. I just don’t get it.

Ms. Orange: Me neither, sweetie, I mean Mr. Black. Thank you, Mr. Spin, our ride is here. We look forward to collecting your garbage and I’ve got that business card of yours.

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Or end of interview