Why does everything have to be a cause?

I’m beginning to think there’s virtue in the saying silence is golden or following Teddy’s words of wisdom to speak softly and carry a big stick because by carrying a big stick you can swat at the causes that have become nothing but noise.

I am speaking of several things recently that have caused me cause irritation, namely the Chick-fil-A debacle, which in turn has led to a debate on the Muppets.

I am probably one of the few people in the world who have never liked the Muppets, never understood the concept and didn’t even like the more adult version that aired on Saturday Night Live. That a pig and frog would wed is just weird to me and defies all natural history and biology.

If I want to see a puppet show I want to see one in which a joke rimshot is needed because the punch line is inherently bad.

Ventriloquist: How do you like school, Billy?

Dummy: Closed.

I can take or leave Chick-fil-A because there’s nothing really magical about throwing a slab of fried chicken breast on a bun and then adding tons of pickles to it.

I’m not a big pickle fan, not because I think all pickles probably taste like Aunt Bea’s, but because in another reporting world I saw pickles destroyed by diesel fuel in a brining tank in Hobgood and I never had the appetite for them anymore.

None of this really answers my question on why everything has to be a cause these days and why many cause robots want to force you to believe their way or else shut you down.

I think, however, if people are just waking and finding out Chick-fil-A is a conservative company they should continue sleeping. That the company closes on Sunday should be the giveaway that they have their principles and believe what they believe.

McKee Foods, manufacturers of Little Debbie products, shuts their plant down Friday at sundown and doesn’t reopen until after sunset Saturday. There are religious reasons behind that as well so people will probably get on that cause bandwagon but I will have my stick in hand because Little Debbie is good food and McKee Foods spent a bunch of money on my college library where I would spend many an evening studying girls.

I would think that would be enough but cause robots have to have a cause instead of going somewhere else to get their chicken and pickle sandwiches, minus the Muppet toys now.

I think companies have the right to do business as they please as long as it’s within the law and while I’m not a personal fan of mixing business and politics, they certainly have that right in a free country to say and believe what they want.

Just because a company doesn’t endorse what I think they should endorse is not a deal breaker.

There was a time when, unless you knew a business owner personally, it didn’t matter what a business owner’s political views were. The key to shopping at that business was whether they provided a quality product and quality service, not if they were voting the Whig or Free Soil ticket.

I think we’re all just a tad too sensitive these days and the easiest thing to do is to avoid something that clashes with your principles but don’t try to bring it down for the people who could care less about the political views of the chicken and pickle sandwich company and the few like me who don’t find Cookie Monster funny.

I boycotted Exxon for a good year following the Exxon Valdez disaster and said little about it, not attempting to have others join my cause. The boycott lasted until I had to make a decision about running out of gas or filling up at the nearest station, which happened to be an Exxon station and whom do you think won that principle battle?

My goal the last couple of years has been to become a Jedi master. I’m getting there although football and politics still get me riled up.

From now on, however, I’m carrying my big stick with me to swat away the cause robots that get in my way — Lance Martin