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All I wanna do is Zoom-a-zoom-zoom-zoom.

No, I’m not talking about doing the Rump Shaker, I’m talking about the app Zoom which has become so prevalent in the days of the pandemic.

I guess if I really wanted to I could do the Rump Shaker because I have danced before, such as it was, but if I was gonna dance to an innuendo-laced song I would much more prefer it to be the Humpty Dance.

But, I digress, and the truth be told, really all I wanna do is Zoom-a-zoom-zoom-zoom.

It’s convenient, easy to use and you can wear your jeans and a T-shirt, cover a meeting in your sock feet and not have to worry about what to do in the event low blood sugar strikes.

That’s why at the last county commissioners meeting — the one before Monday’s — a sense of dread hit me when they announced they were going back to in-person meetings. Oh, the humanity, I said to myself, the struggle just got real again and now I’m gonna have to figure out how to pack all the stuff I need to take with me when the blood sugar drops.

I want to make it sound like I’m preparing for an Arctic expedition, which in this heat wouldn’t be such a bad idea, but as many folks on social media like to say we, journalists I mean, are prone to exaggeration although I could really disprove that point if I really wanted to.

But as I’ve come to learn, the many Facebook doctors, lawyers, political science analysts, and magistrates would just shoot me down because as Obi Wan said to Luke, you’re gonna find out that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view. So no need to beat that dead Sith with a lightsaber.

As a recovering diabetic — I suppose that’s a thing since I’m off all the diabetic meds now — my biggest problem is keeping my blood sugar at acceptable levels.

At home covering a board of commissioners or city council meeting I’m set because I have my bowl of raw almonds and unsalted peanuts just around the corner in the kitchen and I have 90 calorie protein bars in the same place.

So I’m sure you can see why all I wanna do is Zoom-a-zoom-zoom-zoom.

Sunday that sense of dread hit me — that I would have to put on a good pair of pants and a shirt, socks that aren’t running-oriented and shoes that aren’t considered sneakers and then find me something to put my nut mix in and try to remember to grab a protein bar while making sure I have a steno pad and a couple of pens.

These days I’m more prone to just using the phone to take the occasional grip and grin photos that often accompany these meetings when presentations are made instead of lugging my digital SLR with me, which would just add to the weight of my expedition supplies as I venture out to the county seat of Halifax.

So, yes, now I’m back in those pre-pandemic days, as far as the Halifax County commissioners are concerned.

It was easier during the remote meetings. My protocol was to download the county’s agenda package from their website, log into the meeting and follow along, a steno pad and pen at the ready, and my water bottle at my side.

If there was an issue being discussed that wasn’t of great importance I could work on crime stories sent in by law enforcement, texting or calling to fill in missing details, write the story and then get back to the meeting.

If my stomach began growling then it was off to the kitchen to get my nut mix and return in my nicely faded Levi's, an untucked polo shirt and comfy running socks.

Oh, how I will miss those days and all I wanna do is Zoom-a-zoom-zoom-zoom when it comes to county meetings.

The record feature on Zoom-a-zoom-zoom-zoom also made it nice to double check quotes and whatnot.

But it appears those days of Zoom-a-zoom-zoom-zoom where the county is concerned are now done and while many were excited to be returning to in-person meetings, all I could think about was how easy this app has made things.

It’s not that I’m a misanthrope — I’m not. I actually like people except for the Facebook doctors, lawyers, political science analysts, and magistrates so I guess I just need to be thankful that Roanoke Rapids hasn’t decided to abandon Zoom-a-zoom-zoom-zoom although I tend to go to the regular meetings and cover the work sessions remotely.

In all seriousness, the threat of the pandemic aside, I think remote meetings are a good idea and while I haven’t done any real analysis I would dare say you may get more people to participate or view that way and I don’t have to worry about packing my recovering diabetic stuff on the journeys to Halifax.

I see where Durham City Council is doing hybrid meetings and since I’ve heard Roanoke Rapids sometimes referred to as Little Durham, I’m not so sure why these meetings can’t be held in that manner although I reckon my recovering diabetic needs, my need for comfort and my need to Zoom-a-zoom-zoom-zoom aren’t a consideration.

Still, however, what’s good for Big Durham should be good enough for Little Durham.

Alas, I know I’ve rambled in this piece and I haven’t done a good rambling column in a while so it feels good to get back in that saddle, recovering diabetic supplies in the saddle bags and write on.

Still, however, truth be told, I’d be happier if all I could do is Zoom-a-zoom-zoom-zoom — Lance Martin