That's what was going through my mind Tuesday night as Councilwoman Suetta Scarbrough discussed the tree issue on Roanoke Avenue, specifically about the life expectancy of street trees.

The issue of street trees just won't go away and the discussion of the matter Tuesday got me thinking about it as if the holly trees on the avenue were thugs.

I imagine street trees wearing colors, perhaps red bandannas to match their berries and a pointed leaf necklace which represents the philosophies and functions of hollyism. I imagine them strapped with Uzis and AK's, flashing gang signs to indicate to other members the threat this debate is taking on their already shorter than normal lives.

It's a given street trees don't have as long of a life expectancy as trees that grow in the wild. Look what they are subjected to: Harsh summer heat, cold winters, uncaring motorists who crush their trunks with car doors, kicking and cussing at their very existence. One gang member was mercilessly nearly cut down by a business owner tired of it trespassing on his awning. Documents don't mention the amounts of sap and broken sap bottles that had to be cleaned from the streets that day.

That's why street trees have become insolent, loitering, blocking business signs and daring anyone to cross them lest they feel the heavy pierce of .45-caliber lead. That's why they shed their pointed leaves, hoping someone trips on them and gets cut by their razor sharp edges.

I fear a turf war is in the offing as the Roanoke Avenue Business Alliance supports their demise and replacement with a gang of either autumn blazes maple or Japanese zelkova, bringing this street battle to an international scale.

I wouldn't want to mess with any of them. Having the word blazes in their name only signifies what this gang is capable of. I pray the zelkova is not linked to the Yakuza or there is going to be big trouble in Roanoke Rapids. Sap will be shed and trees will die in anguished pain and the question of whether a tree cries when it falls will finally be answered.

It's strange, like street gangs, you've got people advocating for them.

You've got the city's beautification committee who believes the hollies are misunderstood and only require nurturing and care to become productive members of the avenue. Then you've got RABA, who believes the holly trees have become the scourge of the avenue, common criminals who are incorrigible and will never amount to anything.

The thing is, who's to say the maple gang or the zelkova gang won't become just as incorrigible as the hollies have become? Who's to say the new kids on the block won't become just as insolent as the holly trees have become and begin to loiter and block business signs?

I imagine they have the potential to become problem children themselves, their trunks sagging on the avenue and starting a lucrative syrup trade, pushing the holly gang's once profitable, but illegal, berry business out of existence.

Maybe, like The Offspring sang, there is a solution and that is to keep 'em separated.

Maybe the compromise is to let both gangs flourish and cause debate for future councils — putting the maples in the 1000 block when the sidewalk improvements come there and letting the hollies have their territory.

It's just a suggestion and I don't want to be caught in the crossfire — Lance Martin